If you are anything like me, trusting the process can be really hard. Being at the bottom of the barrel in a family of 11 makes you want to control everything you can. Trusting the process means you HAVE NO CONTROL EVER! The lack of control that comes with trusting the process is terrifying and nerve wracking. I hate every part of it. However, I realized that in order to trust the process and achieve the greatness that you know you are capable of, means getting out of your own way. In my case that means letting go of control and trusting that I am going down the path that I am meant to go down.
A totally different life
My life is no where near where I thought it would be at this moment. If you would have asked me a year ago if this is where I would be - a blogger, a COO of a company, and hosting a massive rare disease event with MTV’s Teen Mom, I would have laughed at you.
This time a year ago I was working a hospital job I loved. A job that fulfilled everything I have ever wanted. I was helping people. Saving their lives. Making a difference. But I know now that God had different plans for me. Whether I liked it or not. Don’t get me wrong I mourn my career. I loved it even when the days were long. I worked so hard for it. There still will always be a hole in my heart when I think of my career. But like I said, control isn’t always up to us.
Get out of your own way
Sometimes we get in our own way. I am the queen of getting in my own way. Because like I said, I like to control as much as I possibly can. I swear that control stems from being number 8 of 11 children and having to guard my food from my savage siblings. Where I am at in my life right now is the most out of control I have ever felt. I became injured again at work, haven’t been able to go back, have a child with a rare syndrome that presents so many unknown factors, and I agreed to take on being the COO of a company before even meeting the person on the other end of the phone. WHAT AM I DOING ?!??!?!?
Risks are worth taking
Life is never without risks. You never truly know what the right decision is until you make it and see the affects of that decision. What do I see right now in front of me? OPPORTUNITY! Am I scared shitless? YES! It wouldn’t be a risk if I wasn’t. All I know is that right now amidst all the chaos and confusion I feel peace. I feel peace because my heart is exactly where it should be. I am striving toward making a better world for my son. If you don’t know much about me, you will quickly learn that my family - especially my children, are my driving force. NO ONE will get in the way of my goal to provide them with a world that accepts them for who they are - rare syndrome or not.
Create change for a reason
No one should have to go to a doctors appointment and be looked at by the physician like they have three heads. No one should have to TEACH physicians how to care for them. I should not have to hear “let me google that” by a doctor that I am coming to to care for my son. If I have learned anything in the past 12 months, it’s that things won’t be figured out for you. Things will NEVER change unless you use your voice to do so.
When I got hurt again at work and was faced with loosing my career, I was heart broken. I still am. But you know what isn’t broken? My voice. My loud, obnoxious, German Irish voice. That will never be broken. My back might be but my voice isn’t. You know who needs my voice the most? My children. My son. The 1 in 11,000 child who doctors need to google to figure out where to start when it comes to his care.
Trusting the process & knowing your why
When I start to wonder where God is leading me I look at my children. I look at Owen. That curly blonde headed mess of a child. With a spicy attitude and sweet disposition. The boy who is to big for his age. The boys who’s tongue hangs out of his mouth and the child who has overcome so much in two short years. I look at his sweet face and remember that this is where God is leading me. I am this boys mother for a reason. He is mine - Beckwith-Wiedemann syndrome and all. And I will move heaven and earth for him. I will make change for him. I’m his mother and that is my path...